Missing ....

I feels that part of me is missing ,In my mental no matter how happy i am ,there's always something missing I dont know how to describe that exact feelings but just feels like piece of my body or my bones is gone ,I dont know how to place it back and i know that someday that feelings may be gone but when it does ,its still not that same anymore

I blame myself for not apperciate ,I blame myself for blaming And i blame myself for not reliaze what am i doing or put myself into it ,i just hate myself sometimes ,I really hate it when my memory flash back i saw everything that i didt notice before and looking back i really dont know why i did it ,if there's a timemachine can take me back .i will put everything away and jump into it without a doubt because i lost too much ,i missing too much around me ,even if i am rich someday in future ,those things are money cant buy

promise myself for not letting tears comes out from my eyes but i failed again ,I couldt control my emotion but i just there ,maybe release out can makes me feels better but it always feels around my mind ,I have no time no mind to in love or dating with someone now Because i feels that there's no need ,i am not those people dating because wants to date .I looking for the right person because i know who i love based on first sight .

You probably thinks that i am sad because of a girl now but i am not ,i am missing a family .I really miss it ,Behind those happy and crazy emotion ,behind the mask i am very sentimental